I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
