from now on my penis is your penis
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
