idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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