But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
