We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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