He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
