You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
