Don't you send me to vm
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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