she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
