those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Randomize
