i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
