Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you had me at cake vodka
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
