Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
