come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I queefed so loud it echoed.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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