The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
