I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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