I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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