dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
