Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
This house was built for laser tag.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I think my moral compass just broke
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
