I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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