True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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