whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
