in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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