Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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