She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
