Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
