I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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