Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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