they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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