By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize