Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
