It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
