and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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