you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
