Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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