remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
