Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
