God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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