my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
