i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
