I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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