why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
