She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
