Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize