quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
