Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
