but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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