"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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