Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
