He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
oh god was she eating orange peels again
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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