Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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