Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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