People in love make me want to vomit
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
