thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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