So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize