Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just found a bag of teeth...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
