yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize