Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
