i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
