that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
