sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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