i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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