Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
