Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
