If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
