Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Randomize
